Saturday

26^th January

10:00:01 AM

What a day. Up at 7:00 AM and out of bed, dressed, breakfasted and prepared to to be driven to join friends on the West Coast. But, not to be. The Bruno Chariot that attaches to the rear of muy Emily’s car would not work, the wheelchair could not be lifted and so, trip cancelled.

I began reading a new book I bought this week, the story of Nola Luxford, a New Zealander who found fame and fortune in America and was pursued relentlessly by Zane Grey. She set very clear boundaries with him, which possibly made him all the more interested.

Out into the garden to sit in the sun as muy Emily made coffee. What a gift. Nature the absolute, ultimate Nurturer, my concept of God or of a Higher Power. I sat, my Power Wheel Chair tilted to just the right angle so I could be comfortable and observe my surroundings. As I later share with muy lover, what an oasis we have created. To sit and observe without any desire or need to explain or talk or intrude. Early morning light, summer light. The herb garden, pots of herbs surrounding the lemon tree with citrus flowers pink and white. Drops of dew on the decorative grasses that create a boundary to the brick and timber path I created to my Studio. Observing, absorbing, slender blades of grass as they dance slowly in the morning breeze. I sit and absorb the sun. Tarragon, Mint, Rosemary, Lavender, pots of all shapes and sizes. Yellow flowering bushes that are somewhat like a daisy. The powerful aroma of the minty Geranium. Later, I moved my chair to the rear of the garden, to set the angle and face east into the sun. Olive trees, silver green blue in the morning light. Grapefruit, plum, cherry, feijoa, in years to come, hopefully in the days I have left, fruits for me to eat and enjoy. Light and shadow sing to me as in poetry. Sitting, quiet, not a word but simply absorbing the beauty. This is our home, this is where we live, this is our solitude. I have much gratitude for my intuition that bought this house on first sight. Houses, homes, I have a guardian angel who has guided me well over the years since I bought my first home in 1974. Always small cottages or lofts. Smaller is better, more manageable, more intimate. A thousand square feet, filled with art and love and many great memories. Writing this helps me become aware of how rich my life is and has been. It’s easy to write of the pain and despair of a childhood that was not what I would have chosen. But over the years I have become more and more accepting that I am who I am because of my childhood experiences, not in spite of them. The acorn of my life was planted exactly where it needed to be for me to learn and for me to practice what I learned. I am a story teller and a gypsy I guess. My Scottish heritage and the family name of Clark aka Cleric underlines my love of writing as I am. That was my Fathers genes. My Mother was a Hood, the name of an English Battleship, appropriate? Who knows. This is not storytelling in the conventional sense but a sharing of my journey, which, I guess, is where stories started. In the American West as the settlers slowly spread west from the East, Chap Books, chapter books, told and shared stories, carried by traveling salesmen. I made one  chapbook, I would love to make more and, writing this, realize that I can and will. They are of a manageable size and I can totally have fun and . . . Total control :)

What a day. I feel alive and well. The gentle breeze fills my lungs as I cannot. Gratitude. To sit in the garden and reflect, to dream, this is, to me, Heaven on Earth. I would be quite happy to die today and be buried alongside our pets in the garden. The Tararua and Remutaka Ranges as my headstone. I feel blessed. Allowing the concept of a guardian angel to give me an attitude of gratitude. Ray, David, Dan, David, Chris, Julian, John, Dan, Bruce and others, the men my father could not be. I smile in the reflection that men of my childhood were bullies but now I have a large group of loving and supportive men I can talk to about anything. Laugh, cry, all the human emotions I could not access as a child flow freely today. Wow! Today is a good day to die, indeed! Amen.