2nd January 2013
Dear God, here I sit, finally out of the house and into my studio, whew! I was feeling a touch of cabin fever. Sitting in my reclining chair. Television on but no sound. A book beside me, not read. My iPad constantly drawing me to FaceBook and and news channels. And all the time my frustration growing.
So here I sit, in my Studio. The sun coming and going. Quiet. No music. We had a power outage a day ago and I have not flicked the power supply in the Studio and so here I am, powerless. How ironic is that. Powerlessness. My MacBook Pro has 93% battery. My Power Wheel Chair has enough battery charge. Right now, this moment, that is enough. Small mercies. So I guess I am not totally powerless.
Frustration, sadness, melancholia I guess. That is how I feel with this bloody disease of Motor Neuron Dysfunction. Fuck and Bugger! My mind tells me I wish it were not so, my soul says “Richard, shut the fuck up, accept reality, get out to the Studio and write”. My soul never lets me down and so, here I am writing.
Certain elements of my life inspire me and what I am touched and amazed by today is my memory. Sitting propped in bed this last couple of days, I allowed my mind to drift and dream. Reflecting on those who have passed through my life, reflecting on those who have re-entered my life. Truly amazing. I have considered myself somewhat of a loner but that is not totally true. It would appear that I have touched people, many people who still connect with me, today. Especially those who have held their hands up recently and said “g’day”. Bart, Ken, Gary for starters. Over 30 years of history with some of them. I have done well. I am doing well. Certainly the best that I can. I cannot ask for more than that. Considering how much stuff, clutter and procrastination my life has experienced, I am doing just fine. Gratitude is the key. An attitude of gratitude. My mind has done well. These past couple of days I have gone down the lane of memory and names have come flooding back. Childhood friends. Running friends. Girl friends. Sydney, New York, Venice Beach, London, San Francisco, Singapore, friends, acquaintances from far and wide. Clients. Creatives, directors, art directors, writers, creative directors, producers, colleagues, employees, employers, colorists, sound engineers, musicians and more. They have added to the palette of my life. Friends for Life. I will never let them go from my heart. They have helped make me who I am and, hard to accept, I have added to their lives. So I guess, in summary, none of us, not one of us, is truly alone. I certainly am not. Not today. And, in my gratitude I can but play it forward, by sharing my story in forms I never thought possible. Words and Images. Imagine :) Mind you, on reflection, those were the two strengths and passions of mine in school. Art and Words. All the rest didn’t stick but those did. Whew!
My Laptop is down to 85% and I have switched my Power Chairs motor off, doing fine. And maybe that is a good way to finish . . . I Am Doing Fine! Amen and ciao!