Ah dickie boy
What a wonderful child of gd you are. Yes you have that friggin disease but it hasn’t silenced you and the burn within is still there. I cant begin to understand, feel, deal with the myriad complications of Your illness shit I have a hard enough time understanding the tricks, the mystical twists of alcoholism so what the hell do i know about neurology?
You were are and will forever be my good friend and i recognise you today as i did then more than twenty years ago that bond, connection, identity that connects us. Shame on your gerald if he cannot appreciate that he has the privilege of that connection by virtue of birth. You and i did it by selection.
I say when on the bedpan think of all those you want to piss on or say piss off too and do it!
I say continue until the fire goes out and dear brother of mine i can smell the embers, the warmth,feel the heat and hear, yes i hear you speaking and unfortunately still occasionally yelling to which i say….go get em’ cowboy on a yellow stallion.
Love and affection,
Brandon commented on Sun of God . . .
Zane Grey’s America needs to be seen by those who would appreciate it.
I can only imagine what that journey must have been like, how thrilling it must have been, how the languishing video, photos, writing, must be begging…
I wish I could help in some way but I am afraid that all I offer is the desire to do so.
What a great surprise to hear from you via our dear friend, David
Wilzig, after all these years. I will be forever grateful for all your
many kindnesses to us at Women in Recovery.
Life goes on for all of us, doesn’t it? And what a wonderful life it
is? We have been blessed.
I am not at the house in Venice anymore. We leased it out to another
group to run for us. The work of helping women continues, which is all
that is important. Frankly, I was burned out. Now I live in Dana Point
where I am still involved, but at a much slower pace! I do spiritual
care counselling groups for a local rehab, which is rewarding. Have
also found some great meetings down here.
So, all is well.
Richard, I hope we will stay in touch.
I send you much love and God’s peace and blessings.
Hello Dickie, I wanted to say hi and for you to know I am thinking of you, yes you are right we will all have to face dying at some time in our lives. We try not to think about it until it is staring us in the face. I know what you must be going through, I love so much how you get such joy in being surrounded by your beautiful home and garden I get such a good sense of where you live and the joy of your beautiful home and the roses are beautiful. You are on my mind Dickie and I want you to know that even though I am not close by to see you, I think of you often and I am following your journey. Life goes on here at the farm we are harvesting this years crop, the weather has been very strange. We had a mini tornado blow through here the other day with huge hail storms, it lasted about 20 mins the roof of the house nearly blew off. lots of love and big hugs my Dickie. Love Stella
I just read your post from the 15th….so honest, so real. I want to write you and let you know what I think of you, how you have brought joy into my life.
I met you in the rooms some 10 years ago…I had a crush on you…your spirit, your openness, your willingness to be present and the joy that you took from doing so much of what you love….Kiri, your yellow Land Rover “PaKaaea” that would bust your gut when you rode in it….music, art, photography, architecture, travel, reading, writing, cooking, your garden, your home, I love that you love the color yellow. Simple and pure…nothing wild, nothing crazy…I love your sense of style…your overhauls, your beret, your gnomeness, …. running through the trails in Malibu like a bunny rabbit. I loved your strong coffee, chook and fresh cut flowers from your garden on your kitchen table. I loved your groovy high tech airstream, the courage it took for you to go out on the road to find Zane Grey, with just you and Kiri…on a discovery of roots, a life mission, exploring your boyhood fantasy. I sat in awe at how you put your life in a shipping container, went back to New Zealand and brought back to life a withering vineyard…fought off those bloody birds and literally bottled your dream of a lifetime, to own a vineyard.
I love your open heart, your drive to be current, your life to be meaningful. I love that you have such a loving higher power, live in the moment and trust in God’s will. I love your wicked sense of humor, your naughty words, your gentle thoughts. I love that you re-created your life in New Zealand and found love with Emily, I am so happy you found Emily. I am grateful that I was able to spend time with you, to learn these things about you. You will never die, none of us ever do. You have made an impression on so many.
I still have the yellow ring you gave me with the blue stones and I wear it often. I have the note you wrote me while you were on the road when you asked me to marry you. All of these things are tucked away in a special box and a special place in my heart.
I understand that you may be ready to leave when you have days like you described in your blog. I can’t imagine how difficult life is for you. One day at a time Dickie, One Day at a Time. When I think of you, I always smile…..and I always will….:)
Much Love, Shash
Victoria Harvey Beautiful writing Richard Clark. You took me with my parents who were visiting to Berowra Waters for my 21st birthday in 1980 I will never forget it was such a special treat. I remember Mario’s so well it was a fantastic restaurant and in those days it was the place to be. You gave me a copy of Larousse Gastronomique for my engagement present and when we met up in New York in 1987 you took Adele and I to The Oyster Bar in Grand Central. Great memories. A connoisseur of fine things. Thank you .
Mike Miller commented on AOTEAROA . . .
Richard, I didn’t know of the journey you have been on. I am so sorry to hear that. your writing is eloquent, insightful and enlightening. beside everything else you give to the planet, it is a wonderful gift you give to your kids. My thoughts are with you my friend.
Thanks Richard Clark: you post the most interesting reflections. Did Stef tell you, or maybe he was too shy, that he graduated cum laude from the Hagley Writers institute this year and was awarded second prize over all for his writing portfolio, in which you feature as your alter ego: Good Richard. Thinking of you often. xx
A fine couple of brothers, musicians, calling themselves “Boards of Canada” seems to help me so much.
I gather that the inclusion of Morphine means something rather grim? My grandmother died many years ago and I remember in the end they had her on this contraption that would feed drips of it to her to help her with pain and things. Funnily enough, I found out that I had an uncle with a habit of dipping his finger into the container and helping himself to a bit of the effects of that stuff. Now that I think about it, they would deliver her jugs of the stuff, about a gallon each, and it looked like liquid detergent or bleach for the laundry.
I am constantly on the lookout on the internet for more videos from you, pictures of your trek in the American Southwest, and last night I had a dream which was surely based upon those beautiful pictures you’ve posted of the old shack with bullet holes here and there. It looked like a house in the middle of the Grand Canyon or something to me. It reminded me of where Lassiter and Jane might have lived if they built themselves something to live in.
My wife has happily agreed to allow me (and actually accompany me!) on a journey which I will proudly call “Richard’s America” and although I’m sure to miss a lot I hope to be able to one day tell some children about the man I’m coming to know a little more with each of your blog posts, and how Zane Grey inspired you who, in turn, have inspired the hell out of me.
I hope it’s not offensive for me to say this, but damn it all that you have to deal with MND. I cuss that damned disease every time I think about you.
More bravery, ticked out one letter at a time (I wondered how or if you were typing). We have some friends here who just celebrated 33 yrs of sobriety and are big supporters of AA. They go to meetings to support the new members and to remind them that they are not alone. All you say here is emblematic of them: non-judgmental, open, curious, loving life and lots of laughter. What can I say, Richard? I’m constantly blown away by your wisdom, clarity and humility. Truly a great example of dignity under fire. I feel fortunate (I’ve got a problem with “blessed” too) to have the chance to share some of your musings. Hang tough.
Dear Dickie Boy,
What with all the posturing, screaming, bullshitting, honest dialogue, philosophising, incantations, religious discussions, events and the like you and I have shared one would think that we had covered this area before…after all we have exposed our true truths to one another for many a year but this, this discussion my dear sweet Dickie Boy appears no longer to be an intellectual exercise it’s Dickie Boy’s life, not Dickie Boy versus the world as there is no versus here, there can be no “argument”, the facts are as they are, you feel the way you do and there is no one in this world that can fully , truly ,collate and collect the life of Dickie Boy and assess his ending. That is yours alone. truly your own path and looking in the rear view mirror , which all of us at a certain age do, you do know best. Perhaps that is all I can tell you, that may well be the only “advice”…
“How’s your omelette” the waitress in Boulder, Nev just asked and I responded ” just fine”(although it wasn’t and I really didn’t want to dialogue with her about the quality of a diner omelet..
So why interrupt an important missive with details of a 29 second dialogue because, dear dickie….I am in Venice, at your home, hungry and you whipped up an omelet with fresh eggs, herbs from your garden, veggies and some fantastic olive oil…I can savor that and now push the plate away. You owe me 8.99 for this shitty omelet that I am leaving with the crappy coffee and tax its a little over ten dollars.
I speed-read the laws and comments that you forwarded , however,I know all of that stuff. It’s stuff, I represented Dr.s who removed a patient after flat brain wave and they were sued for criminal acts. The statutes don’t apply here as you and I are talking about you and I love you, I don’t want you to go away and as I write that I realise that as with our loved friends Tony and Stan , important friends don’t ever really depart…they remain in one’s lexicon, one’s memory and one’s heart.
I wish I had the answer. I had it when I was younger- take no life! Real simple. I was angry at my grandfather for hanging himself instead of going to Auschwitz with his family; after all, I knew better, the law said take no life. I was angry with a girlfriend who underwent an abortion as I had a simple rule- take no life. What a fool I was then as I cannot imagine having a relationship with her or raising her child.
So here I am back to my original thought that you and I must have discussed this issue over the years and why the hell don’t I have an answer? Hell not only do I not have an answer, I don’t even have a question!
I do love you,
although i’ve hardly met you in the flesh i feel like i’ve got to know you through reading your blog and talking with emily, and I’ve grown to love and admire you.
I hope you’re fully aware of just how good you’ve been for emily and how wonderful it was when you got together to see that she’d finally found a real partner in life and love.
I understand and support any and all decisions which you and she make together.
With much love
Dear Dickie Boy
You asked so you deserve an answer.
My health? Recurrent pneumonias, incessant coughing, sleep apnea and the ever-present fear that my chronic cancer has returned.
My wealth? Ok but I don’t earn what I did when truly, fully active and so I now have concerns.
My happiness? After reading your email I arranged for 9 Days in the Yucatan to fly-fish for tarpon and bonefish. Why not, it makes me happy. MJ makes me happy, my kids( in the main ) make me happy, you make me happy as I can feel the warmth, the concern and the love in your words.
I refuse to focus on the negative albeit very real and trust that you can remember, recall, bring to mind, see , hear and recollect the laughs, the pints, the miles, the amazing times we’ve shared…not many could be so fortunate and I certainly never expected such a brotherly relationship when in Kilbern,Sheffield or NYC growing up. I recall at 15, that when I learned the truth about my heritage I had a breakdown, saw a psychiatrist who said that I suffered a “poverty of social relationships”. Surprise? Shipped off to school at 4 1/2, transferred to US at 13 with no explanation: hey you’re a Wlzig, not a Wilson and you’re a Jew not an Anglican;ask no questions as “we’ve all been through too much of the war to speak to you about the “problems” you might have”. So perhaps you can appreciate the impotance of lil Dickie Boy and our bond to me.